How do you handle these situations?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and he's active duty army. The first year we should have just did away with our marriage because he cheated with his ex. During our last several years he made me promise we would not talk to our ex's and that they were out of our lives. Soon after I found out he possibly has a baby with his ex. I asked the simple question who do you want to be with. He tells me that he has a "What if" in the back of his mind and he thinks that if he were with her things may have been different. However his feelings are minuscule for her compared to me. Everything basically hit the fan with in a short time. He wants me to accept the child which I can. The problem is with everything that has taken place in the last year in the half. I feel done. I just feel that he wants a convenience. He's needy and always wants to feel important. I am beautiful, with a career, independent and have a lot going for myself. I found out that they have been having an ongoing friendship or whatever you want to call it throughout our entire marriage. She finally decided to make him test because she couldn't have him. I am upset about the whole thing. I am trying to forgive and work things out but now I feel like I reach the beyond the border of being stupid. I don't have any intimate feelings towards him they all tanked when this mess started and he wouldn't go to counseling. Many people say I should work it out. However I'm think its been a long time for the divorce. What do you think?